Tuesday, July 31, 2012

On building a house...and completely unrelated tangents

This post is me getting out the mumbled, jumbled ramblings in my head. I don't know about you, but I talk to myself. A LOT. Mostly in my head or my kids would think I am even more nuts than they already know I am.  Here's the thing.  At the end of last year when I wrote my 2012 resolutions (goals, more accurately) in my journal, one of them was to journal more (the goal was to WRITE IN MY JOURNAL at least once a week).  Prior to that I rarely did. Maybe once a year?  And sadly sometimes less and I rationalized that that wasn't TOO terrible of me because...well, I blog. HA. That is laughable.  Because for those five of you who read/follow this here "blog" know that I rarely post.

Now I think I did alright with this goal for about....two months. And maybe that is being generous....probably.  And I have posted on here like...twice (?) this year. Can't remember. And the year is more than half over. So my new goal is to try to type on here a little more often. It will be less worth coming to than it was before because mostly I posted for the grandparents who are all so far away. I know they come here for the pictures of the girls and not-so-much the typing I do along with that.  It will be more of me getting all this crap/stuff/etc that runs through my mind out. And it is my hope it will free up my brain to focus on things that are more important, like...the present. My kids, my husband, my faith...instead of dwelling on all the random thoughts that never get OUT.

So this post will likely be LESS about building a house than the title suggests.  Because if you want to see that....there are pics on Facebook. :)  But we ARE building a house. And it is pretty much a dream house. Not a complete dream, but a dang good start.  See, to be complete we would have needed a little larger budget to work with and been able to finish the basement. But we HAVE A BASEMENT and that makes me happy.  The possibilities are endless!  Space for storage, food storage, and someday, finishing some/all of it to have a place where our kids can have their friends come and gather at our house.  Because there is no where I would rather they be. Teenage girls. I used to be one. Enough said.

Part of me feels a little selfish to be getting to build such a large house. It is a lot of space. More than we really need right now. Because let's be honest. What does a family REALLY need?  All that is needed is a space to call home and be together.

Perhaps I should begin at the beginning. We were not looking for a house. Or thinking of moving. And when I say we, I guess I mean ME.  Travis had let the thought cross his mind. And I just kept thinking we should give it a few years.  But my younger sister likes looking at homes and she told me I had to check out this perfect floor plan of a model home she had walked through. I went to the website and filled out their "$20 thousand down payment giveaway" --for fun. And the next thing I know, they are calling me (IMAGINE THAT) to get me to come check out one of their communities. So I agreed. Because looking at model homes IS fun.  And so we went. And the model--we HATED it. Whew. Then the agent showed us some other floor plans and...whoa. Dream home. (pretty much--because honestly I had never given a "dream home" a thought. I figured it was years down the road.)  And when he told us we could put just $1000 down and they would hold the lot while we sold our home, there was no risk. Because that money was 100% refundable since it was contingent on the selling of our current home.

And so it began. In October we listed our home, signed a contract, picked out our options at the home gallery. And waited for the right buyer to come through and want our home. For months. And the whole time we poured over our new floor plan, went up to Herriman and walked through the model of it up there several times, always falling more in love, feeling more invested. But at the same time I knew that if it wasn't supposed to be that it wouldn't. And so I tried to prepare for that.  Not that I am a pessimist...I prefer to think I am a realist.

Jump ahead to June and having lowered our home price three times and FINALLY an offer and an agreement reached and we had 3 weeks to close. And all the while I thought how nice it would be to de-clutter and how exciting it is to move. But not when first you have to move some place else first. While the dream house is built.  I will also admit as I packed up and put things away/in storage at the old place I grew really fond of it. I remembered how I loved it. We hadn't outgrown it yet.  We moved in when Riley and Izzy were two and one. Their childhood thus far was there. We brought Lucy home there. She had all her "firsts" there.  Including her first birthday in May--that whole first year.  We spent almost half of our marriage there.

And the de-junking...that didn't really happen. It's so hard. When you have so short a time and you are a hoarder.  Travis didn't want me to do it anyway. He wanted everything to go in boxes and we would sort and get rid of at the new place. So for now, most of our things are in a storage unit...

Construction is between a third to half of the way complete. At my best guess. And even though I drive by and walk through the house every night...it feels too good to be true. It's OUR house.  We have ALWAYS had shared walls or floors or ceilings. We have lived in apartment complexes, basement apartments, with relatives, owned a townhouse in Rexburg and then our twin home in American Fork. This is a structure that is all ours. And it is thrilling!!!!  And where I have probably used the phrase "lucky" several times--as in, we have been lucky how things seem to work out. The truth is we are BLESSED.  I don't necessarily believe in chance.  I do, but I do believe that God's hand is in all things.  And He has blessed me and Travis a lot. I am blessed to have found and married my best friend in the world, that we have been able to have three healthy girls, a stable job, and means to provide a life.  The blessings are so many I cannot count. And I don't take them for granted. Even when it seems I do, I don't.  Then the realist in me sets in.  I have friends who face terrible struggles. Struggles I cannot even imagine.  And I think, why not me? Where is my trial? Certainly I have something to learn. And I know it's a lot to learn, let's be honest.  I know there are trials. There will be. So then I worry, which is useless.  I am a control freak who has to remind myself I am not the one in control.  I am trying to enjoy the blessings. I am trying to not let the worry ruin the blessings that are all around me right now.

There is nothing I want more than to be present in today, in the now.  With my family and to enjoy those blessings that our Heavenly Father has given us.  And I have to try really hard to try to keep that focus because it isn't easy for me and many, many days (most days) I fail.  A lot of days seem to pass me by totally wasted.  Perhaps that is my trial for now and if that's all it is, I am grateful for that. I have to learn this lesson before the bigger ones.  It can be so easy to look at others and think they live the charmed life. Or the opposite. And for me, I really do have it so, so good. I don't mean to boast, I struggle with so many things. But I am grateful for the life I have with all it's imperfections.

I am guessing there will be more ramblings from my jumbled brain in the future. Feel free to come back or not :)